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The only Craiglister currently worth a response... - "Deep Throat" is Dead
September 2007
 
 
 
 
 
 
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Tue, Oct. 17th, 2006 02:47 pm
The only Craiglister currently worth a response...

Dear Jesse,

Is it okay if I start off with "Dear"? I'm not much of a computer girl. I like letters dripping in black ink, postmarked and sitting in my mailbox, though I'm bad at writing them, rarely receive them - and quite often lose them beneath the mounds of debris that, in essence, is my apartment furniture. (Not every Virgo, quite apparently, is clean.) I guess it is sentimentality, some piece of cheap romantic idealism planted in my head by my parents, who have been married since they were 16 and 17 respectively, and watered by goofy Meg Ryan films that, I assure you, I no longer watch. Letters just seem, somehow, more intimate.

My friend Liza posted this blurb, this ad, the consequences of which of appear to be growing and building up speed, like some mad rolling snowball. Oh, that's right; we don't have those in New Orleans. Anyway, she did not ask my permission and I did not give it. She simply forwarded the responses to my email address with a simple explanation - craigslist, personals. I can't speak for her actions other than to suggest that it seemed like a good idea after several glasses of Jameson, our very favorite cocktail. I guess the good thing about a computer ad is that you aren't subjected to her slurred speech as she recounts my finer points.

Out of curiosity, if one were to lace someone's Jameson with a liquid laxative, do you think that the person would taste it? (Damn these thoughts of revenge!)

You are indeed outside the specified age range and I was wondering a bit whether I should toss you out like a contestant on one of those damn reality shows that clog up the airwaves like ham does the arteries. But despite the surge of responses, and believe-you-me, there was a surge, you seem to be the only one capable of typing a complete sentence - and appreciating things that I appreciate, of course.

So about me: I graduated from the University of Georgia with a degree in Journalism. I'm currently not using the same said degree because, quiet frankly, it's damn hard to make a living as a writer in this city - and I just love NOLA too much to leave. I'm also not very aggressive or cut-throat like newspaper writers almost have to be by necessity. I love feature writing, Southern fiction, politics, human interest pieces, humor, and satire of all sorts... Like you, I'm interested in art-house movies, Indie and foreign films. I like theatre. I like dinners out. I like building costumes for every holiday. I paint poorly and sketch until my fingers are black with charcoal. And if you can learn to play "Sweet Melissa" on your guitar then I might, quite honestly, marry you - or at least donate an organ, should yours fall into disrepair. (FYI, I have lived in this city about four years, so if I were you, I wouldn't ask for my liver.)

I have attached a photo of myself with a horse I met while touring the Republic of Ireland . It was a birthday gift to self (the trip, not the horse), my first International trip, only my second time ever out of the South. Thought it would be a good one to send, since my hair covers that nasty facial scar ... just kidding.

So there's my response. There you have it.

Now the burning question, "Why are you looking for lovin' online?"

With much curiosity,
Melissa

Current Mood: sleepy sleepy

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